Hi, my life is a joke.

So, hey, it's been a while. Let's chat, or actually I'll chat, you read.

So almost three months ago I landed a boyfriend, yippie. No, I do like him, but let's face it, I'm Allie Bobb I'm a fabulously well trained single gal, so this is all a new experience. There have been ups and downs, some wow that would be happening moments. Kinda like ohh i don't know, last night.

Setting: Fresh out of the library; in the quad.

Mindset: Chemistry mode.

Attitude: Yay! I get to see boyfriend.

So boyfriend meets me just outside of the library, and we start discussing our low key hangout, until I mention my roommate (from hell, actually from Tyler... about the same) is back. And boyfriend responds with "Ohhhh, I hate your roommate." And I of course am all "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry hang out in your room?" "No- my roommate (who happens to be my ex-i'm bored let's hangout buddy) and friends are over, and I know COD (call of duty) isn't your thing." So me being me I decide you know I'll give him the option of going back to play with them, I'm fine, I can do something else. Little did I know that he would actually take the option.... ok, cool.

Before leaving were chatted about our day and whatever other things couples talk about, and as he said goodbye he asked if I wanted the rest of his Dr. Pepper, I said no. Apparently no, no longer means no. So he threw it at me and I turn to run away, and BAM I run into the bike rack. Like I'm talking cartoon style, I fold over in half with my bag carrying me over and almost flipping me over. What does boyfriend do? Laugh. Doesn't help, laughs.

So yes, there you have it. A typical Monday night, included with a soul crushing "I didn't even know this happened in reality" moment.

I hope all enjoy this glimpse of my life, because someone should. :)

Then the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you, Alfalfa!"

*clears throat.

alright, here goes nothing. so, today started out pretty fantastic. i got up in time to shower (which was a pretty big deal seeing that i had to work at 8 and i normally dont shower unless i just worked out or it had been a couple days), prepared a homemade yogurt, oatmeal parfait, hit mostly green lights on north street, and got what i thought at the time was a sweet parking spot. it got a little windy on my walk to the student center but i didn't let that bring me down. my coffee stayed hot for an extra long time, and they had all green grapes at lunch (i know what you're thinking...score!! right?). this does not sound like one of my normal blogs, this is true. just as i was having trouble with the fax machine around 1:26 p.m. the plot thickened.

as i was walking back to northridge FUCKING arms apartments at about 1:50 i glanced at the parking spot where i had safetly locked fo just 6 hours prior. now would be an appropriate time to start guessing what i saw.

a) an excessive amount of bird shit

b) a boot

c) an illegal immigrant breaking into the front window

d) a broken windshield

e) your life sucks kim, its probably all of the above.

for all of you that guessed a-d...you're wrong. for those of you who guessed e (mallori brookshire), you're still wrong. fo was in fact... missing. MISSING! he was no where to be found. my little silver sidekick with whom i have shared black and milds, new music, old music, laughs, tears, sprained hips, unintentional dread locks, and spilled pickle juice was GONE!!!!! ok at this point i should be able to assume that you are freaking out just as much as i was. who would steal an unattended 5 year old?????

the answer...randys wreckers. yuppppp, a towing company. good 'ol randy pulled up and kidnapped fo at about 1:26. (if you recall, this is about the same time i was having trouble faxing students w-2 forms to their parents across texas). if you try to tell me youve never parked in a parking lot with one of randys warning signs im going to call you a liar to your face and give you a swirly. we all park illegally blah blah blah. this is my pity party not yours.

claire collins (shout out!) came to pick me up and took me to randys to track down the only man who has never let me down (*knocks on wood). we roll into what appears to be a trailer park. we walk up the cinderblock stairs, careful not to touch the wooden railings that probably had rusty nails sticking out of them, opened the door, and walked in. the first thought that crossed my mind was that i was fully engulfed in a cloud of cigarette smoke and not only was i going to have to pay an arm and a leg to get fo back but i would also contract lung cancer. perfect. i just wanted to die anyway at that point. other things in my direct line of vision was a couch with towels and blankets sprawled on it. i thought to myself...."does randy SLEEP here?". i also noticed some hot wheels that were still in the box and stapled around the perimeter of the trailer. there was an ash tray the size of a hula hoop on the desk and randy smiled his one front tooth smile and said "you must be miss stokey" uhhhh yeahh something like that...i traded my license for one look at fo. i claimed him through the window and randy jr. showed me and claire to the lot. at this point i started asking about weekly specials he was running. there werent any...shocker. so i offered to design advertisements and signage to replace his "be back later" sign that was written on printer paper in red sharpie. fail. randy jr asked where i was from, and when i replied with corpus christi he said that wouldnt be surprised if we were "kinfolk" because that is where he was from. i tried to get a discount out of that too, but to no avail.

this story doesnt have an exciting ending. it doesnt have a happy ending. in the end...i paid the randys $241.65, hung my head, and walked out the door. i feel it appropriate to reference alfalfa from the little rascals. when i exited the trailer i look up and "then the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you, Alfalfa."" with that, i wish you all a great fucking day.

p.s. if you haven't been to randys wreckers, you havent really been to nacogdoches.

currently listening to: my paycheck being flushed down the toilet

Mexican Bread

So, I officially had THE most awkward experience at subway today. It all started around 10:45 p.m. when Mallori and I realized we had not eaten dinner, but we DID have BOGO subway coupons. SCORE! Upon pulling up to the drive through we were instructed to drive around and order at the window, no big deal, so unknowingly embark on my most awkward moment of 2010 thus far. The sandwich artist (SA) at the window instantly recognizes me...haha omg Kim you go there so much they know you? Yeah, that's not the first time ANNND definitely not the wierdest part of the night. He leans forward to look me in the eye (I'm in the passenger seat) and says...

"Hey girl why don't you come in and order inside no more? We all lovvve it when you come in!"

me-"uhmm oh ha uhhh the dining room is closed?"

SA- "girl you got legs that go all the way from here to over there! (gesturing to the end of the building, approx. 20 ft., which is not only inaccurate, it also made me feel very uncomfortable)"

me- "oh my god haha"

SA- "yeahh i remember you coming in in that gray mini skirt"

me-"...."

SA (to Mallori) -"yeah girl even you look good! what kind of chips ya'll want?"

So..that was my awkward experience. Mallori proceeded to tell me that he probably thinks at me late at night and suggested I wear shorts to get free subway for life. What would I do without my friend's wonderful advice?

Oh yeah, the title of the blog isn't about the fat mexican sandwich artist. Prior to our uncomfortable conversation he told the OTHER dude making sandwiches that we wanted "mexican bread" instead of wheat...because it's brown.

Listening to: John O'Callaghan. enough said.

play me a song, it's been too long since i've heard you sing

what's up cyber space? i don't know if you can tell, but excitement is radiating out of my eyeballs right now. just announced, take action tour 2010-mayday, we the kings, rocket, and there for tomorrow. february 15th. which just makes it THAT much better, because now i have about 15 potential valentines. oh, i have to mention that they will be back march 3rd in dallas. what did i do right???

something that is NOT radiating out of my eyeballs, is productivity. instead of designing cubicles, drawing on the computer, or building mock ups of juice boxes, i have been finding every excuse to spray paint bed sheets, stalk/borderline harass boy bands that may or not be legal, or stimulate the economy by going out to eat excessively. that last confession i do tend to see as productive however, seeing how my pointless career path is very economy driven. so if you think about it, i'm actually doing myself a favor.

peace.

currently listening to: a rocket to the moon, on your side

TWA

So, I've decided that someone needs to make a "that was awkward.." website (TWA); similar to FML or MLIA so that I can frequently post about my life. I was walking to class today jamming out maybe a little too hard on my headphones and I saw this dude wearing flip flops. Keep in mind it was like -20 degrees today. Not the end of the story, don't even worry. I kept walking towards flipper and started questioning not only his body temperature, but also his sexuality. He just looked a little too pretty. So as I'm staring I realize he's staring back. He smiles. I smile. We keep walking. I start thinking about how awkward that 8 seconds of my life was and what do I do? Trip. I trip. Right in front of homegirl who was also staring. TWA. So again, for the second time in one minute, I'm thinking about how awkward this freezing Thursday is. This thought process goes on from the HPE to HMS when...what? what happened?? I TRIPPED AGAIN! That instance doesn't even get a TWA. That gets a FML.

Next can we talk about the letterman jacket epidemic on campus today? I can't even express how many I saw. I think I know the high school colors of about 35% of the freshman class. Someone should post a no letterman jacket sign, similar to the no smoking signs.

I'd like to end this blog with a eulogy to White House:

Good times were had by all inside those poorly insulated walls. Good music was played, and drinks were made. I think I will miss the clogged drain and roaches in the silverware drawer the most, but the wall of shame and hardwood floors come in a close second.

Also, I'm going to start adding what song I am listening to at the end of every blog. If you really want to get the full effect of the blog, you could do yourself a favor and listen to some good music for kicks.

Listening to: Lovely, Breathe Carolina

Freshman 15

I just want to say that I have no intention of gaining the "freshman 15"... but I do have every intention of weighing 346 pounds by the end of the year. Do keep in mind I started the year at 114 and I'm just now hitting 120. What am I doing you ask to gain this weight? Simple. Eating a grilled cheese and drinking a root-beer every day for lunch. Yes. This is no lie. But problem, I've been working out along side this sinfully delicious eating style. So I've decided that maybe I'll just gain the weight in muscle and be the next Lady Lumberjack. We could both just have abnormally muscular figures and carry axe's with awkward mad faces on them.

Yes., you heard it here first, I will be the next LadyJack mascot.

salsa

hello. am i feeling sarcastic? not really. am i feeling drunk? quite so, yes. am i having trou le typing? oh yes. am i deleting ever word and retyping it 50 itmes before i get it right? you betcha. im eating salsa bill made for dinner. i just got back from a 3 year class reunion at a local corpu bar. fun? yes. hey kim, whats in the salsa? oh thanks for asking. corn, black b eans, and pico. legit? dug. one of my friend's freind is a professional breakdancer and i offered him 5 dollars to breakdance in the parking lot. he obliged but did not take my money. he told me that he was worth 100 dolla an hour. i didnt think he was worth 5 dolla a 15 second. its times likfe this when im really glad i created a blog with allie bobb. i mean really what better way to commemorate a successful evening.